home

I have this great idea for this epic song, or epic album maybe, but I've been thinking about it and have decided to hold off on writing any of it until I'm a little better on the guitar and more importantly have traveled a bit. if the whole buying a month train pass and just traveling thing works out that would be ideal because i want to explore the concept of home as that's something I've really been wrestling with. I'm not really sure anymore where my home is and it's really confusing because in one sense my home is in Burnaby where I grew up and family is, but then in some capacities that has stopped feeling like home and Ft. Langley and trinity has replaced that and that feels a lot like home, but there's also a big hunk of me up in Kelowna and i might even move up there if I can find a good job up there so I'm really confused as to which place is my real home. and then to complicate matters, it seems like none of those are really home and what if home isn't so much a physical place, but it's to do with the people I'm with. Also, even more frightening than this is the concept that I could actually have no home or I may never find where my home is. today however, as I was biking back to my house I had this sudden revelation. of course none of these places feel fully like home because none of them are my home. not even the road is my home or even in the company of friends. my home isn't even in this world, but in heaven. to use a Platonic and Augustinian language, I have a piece of eternity in me and i will never be fully satisfied until I am returned to eternity, making eternity is my home. so I think I'd like to write a whole album of songs exploring the concept of home and bring it round to this with the final song and make the whole thing fit together. however (although I sometimes don't) writers should write from their own experiences (or at least it makes writing much better) and I should like to at least look all over North America and see if I can find a home down here or find out what home is before I come to a conclusion... I can't just come to that conclusion with my mind. I have to actually physically discover it. writing should be done the hard way. that's all, except that I'm working on an awesome song, but I've got writers block. the other week nothing could really stop me, but this week I'm having a lot more difficulty (which is a good thing). peace, love, and good vibes.

pipe smoking professor

ok paintballing

though i must be going to work in a couple of minutes, I will blog. today after work I'm coming home and then leaving right away for the Okanogan to do some paintballing with the Kelownites. should be fairly awesome and I'll get like almost three whole days up there, and a couple of days off work. Kelowna is like my third home. my first being in Burnaby and my second being in Ft. Langley. that's all, kindof short but i gotta go. bya.
park ranger

shredding and trains

well I'm goin back to memphis dadadadada doum doum doum doum tweedlededleeeydeedydaaaayy daeyyyyyyywriiiouw dodadodadooda daa ddddaaaa.
live white stripes music is pretty sweet and awesome and should be listened to. mad shredding solos that kick your head. I should go to new york because in new york awesome things happen. also i should take a train to new york and maybe work on the train for monetary gain for the paying of loans or the spending of money in the big apple. and then i can meet the big cheeses that run everything like wall street and stuff and see people play music in real life in groovy places that i can dig. also the train will be awesome. i have busboy experience, they should hire me. they should hire me like the moon should be made of cheese that can be eaten. actually then it would smell all the way to the earth place and that would suck, especially if it was blue cheese because the moon is sometimes blue. this has been a rad blog with words and no information other than I am awesome and deserve to be hired by train companies. if you know any train company people tell them to hire me.

pipe smoking professor

normal escapism

Normal Escapism

the escapism of the normal life
righteous indignation for all lies
loveless sex for the freedom like
and a murdering hand for the ties that bind

and I don't give a damn if you saw it on the tv
i saw it on the street and it's eating at me
and i don't care if it's a movie star romance
I've loved and been loved and it's nothing like this
and if you tell me once more that you're not free
I'll walk out this room and leave you to see
that life's not right when it's just a collage
of others lives through a camera lens

there's a crowd of witnesses that I can see
but not a bloody one is speaking to me
they whisper in turn each to your ear
but what they're saying I just can't hear
and I've a cloud of witnesses behind me too
I'm not immune to the fellow complication
but none of them tells me just what to do
and that's just what they're doing to you

Terminal

I'm standing here in the terminal
with nothing left to do
but i know I've been through that
and I'm just waiting here for you
when i think you've run out of time
you'll walk in here with your hair let out
and a wild look in your eyes
ya don't want me to go
you tell me you were wrong
to ever let me go
and how you want me back
but i stand here in the terminal
and this time it's for real
and if you want some proof
don't stay aloof
but stay here for a while
and we'll wait for the train
to New York city, Kansas and the world
and I'll be on my way
and then you'll say
"I shoulda never held you back"
you shoulda never held me back

I wait for you
in the terminal
yeah I'm leaving soon
and I'll see it all
there's no missing you
till i see your eyes
so don't see me off
at the terminal

you meet me there
got a look in your eyes
says don't leave now
and I'd like to try
but truth is not dead
as it screams in my face
so I won't let go
of this sacred day
before someone gets burned
I'm walking away

keyless resuscitation

it 's time for keyless resuscitation
of a cold heart and a cold mind returning
returning to the pattern lost in the dead of November
lost on a lost highway in a lost city in a lost nowhere of the soul

no whole nothing filling my mind
no free something for the time
must be soon before I break down
must be soon for me to be crying

so much angry noise filling the station
the red ears and red photo eyes are burning
burning cold like the flames of the life i sometimes remember
flames for the feeling flames for the fire flames for all of the everything gone cold

no whole nothing filling my mind
no free something for the time
must be soon before I break down
must be soon for me to be crying

must be someday I will arise
no scream shouting in my eyes

I cry for the mother losing a child
burn for the orchestra going wild
walk alone through my new hometown
and scream for the very last time

no whole nothing no whole nothing no whole nothing
clouding my mind
no free something for the very last time
I'll burn like a bomb if I don't go wild
so light a match and test the whiles
of a forgotten mind lost on a lost highway in November