Morning Dreams

listening to Matthew Good - Champions of Nothing

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I had a pregnant girlfriend. At the same time I had to go to China to visit my family. the baby was going to be born while I was back in China, something to do with my grandfather. I looked at my girlfriend and I told her "Have you ever had a conversation where you miss one little word, just one single word and all of a sudden the conversation doesn't make sense anymore. You have no context to place what's being said." and then I paused and was going to tell her that that's how I felt about my life, but I woke up. I don't know why I dreamt that, and I don't know why it felt so important, but i can't get it out of my head because sometimes I feel that way. It's as though I'm living in a dream and I all of a sudden wake up, take a step backwards, and look at my life, wondering "how did I get here". I had a word given me when I left Glenmore to move back to the coast. It might have been Bob who gave it, but it was about a compass pointing True North. He said I was going true north, that the direction I was going was where God wanted me to go. Sometimes I look at where I am and that's all I have to go on... God wants me here...

zen master

Dealers vs. Dealers

listening to Neil Young - On The Beach

I had a discussion today about drugs, about dealers. Everybody was pretty animated, everybody had their piece to say. I was reminded of a Bob Doede class at Trinity. There was a few classes in which we discussed the problem of evil. It was heavy, we were discussing how a loving and omnipotent God can allow people to suffer. How can he allow little children to be raped and pregnant women to step on mines?

listening to Neil Young - Vampire Blues

How can he allow natural disaster to wipe out thousands of "innocent" people? There are a number of answers and the discussion became heated. Especially as Christians we all had our views on the problem of evil, it's something we had probably all had to think about. At the end of the section on the problem of evil, Doede said something that will stick with me. He said that we were welcome to our theories and that we should think about it, that we should try to reason out how a loving and omnipotent God can let these things happen, but there was one thing we had to be able to do. We had to be able to bring our theories forward and present them to the little child and his family, to the pregnant mother and her family, and to the victims of the natural disaster. If we can not do that, if our theories are divorced from the actual suffering, then we should not hold them.

listening to Neil Young - Revolution Blues

So we were talking about drugs. And we were talking about dealers. And it occured to me that we can talk about throwing them in jail, we can talk about shooting them, we can talk about giving the addict his drugs for free, but we have to be able to see these people when we pass judgement. We have to be able to know these people before we can say a word or pass a law. If you know someone, and love them, then you can condemn them to death. But not before. We have a real problem in our society, drugs are an enormous problem. And I want to find a solution, I'm sure most of us do. But before we do, we have to get to know the people who are on drugs and who are dealing drugs. We can't pass by on the other side of the street any longer.

fool sitting here typing

Enter the Cheese

listening to Sigur Ros - Hoppipolla

I confess to being a cheesy movie buff. Not even joking. Back when I was living in Burnaby, Alpha and I would go to the theaters on a regular basis; not to see great quality flicks, but to see the stuff that looked really enjoyable. Like Mr. Magoriums Wonder Emporium (great movie by the way). I guess I just never stopped watching cheesy movies after that. I went to see Speed Racer in the Imax, and Sammy and I were the only two people in the entire theater, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I've watched countless other cheesy movies, animated flicks, kids movies that were actually really fun to watch. Tonight I watched Penelope. I know. It was surprisingly good though. Sure it had its kitschy moments, but overall it told a really good story and actually had something to it, unlike a lot of comedies these days. Plus, it ended with Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros. What's not to love.

Soundmime

Spiral

Bad things come in pairs, or that's the hope. It's unfortunate, but I missed a class in philosophy of religion. Unfortunate because when I went to class yesterday I realized that the class I missed had been the midterm. Unfortunate because I could have easily aced it. Unfortunate because it was worth 30% of my mark. So I drop it like it's Pluto and I feel a lot better. The class sucked anyways and I still have a full time course load without it. So we're good right, but it still sucked. This morning it just gets worse. The car is having transmission problems, it wont stay in gear, but I take it to school anyways, thinking that it's not too bad. I actually make it all the way to Langley before it loses all functionality. I creep in 1st to Langley Center, park the car, and take a bus to school. I'm a good half an hour late because I missed my connection at the Newton exchange by about 1 minute. It turns out all right, but I still have to bus it back to Langley to find a garage for the car. Woo hoo, sounds fun. So I hope bad things only come in pairs because I don't think I could take anything more. For instance, what if my car were stolen. Now that would truly suck.

Park Ranger

Exercise your Franchise

Did you know that, to vote, all you have to have at the polls is somebody to sign for you to say that you are who you say you are. That's pretty easy to find. That's stinking easy to find. Do you work today? Is that the excuse you're using to not vote? I'll tell you what, your employer is legally obligated to give you time off work to vote. Take that time. Vote. Did you realize it was voting day late in the afternoon and you don't think you'll have time to hit the polls? They're open until 7:00 tonight; just don't wait too long, do it now. Do you not have transportation to the polls? They should be walking distance, get some fresh air. If they're not, phone the NDP and they might be able to give you a ride (you don't even have to be voting for them). Elections Canada has a handy polling station finder on their website if you don't know where to vote. People, there is really no reason why you shouldn't exercise your franchise and vote. The most commonly used excuse, however, is that people simply don't like any of the candidates. That's the worst load of crap I've ever heard. If you really thought about, you would at least find a candidate that wasn't quite as bad as the others. Choose one and vote. This is serious stuff people.

Pipe Smoking Professor

Whatever happened to White Trash and Beardo

listening to New and Improved Nummy Mixtape - Various Artists

Turn it on shuffle, it needs mixing.
They say that most geniuses produce their greatest works before 30, most of them earlier. That doesn't leave me much time.
I was taking a walk this evening in Aldergrove, wearing shorts, a big old jacket, no socks with shoes, and a toque covering my nearly bald head. I was wondering where I was headed when I realized what I looked like. For all the time that I lived in Summerland I had inhabited the hobo look, but now, as I walked the streets of Aldergrove, I was quintessential white trash. And I thought, "Whatever happened to White Trash and Beardo?". It was a good question so I pulled it up on my computer when I got home. It's seven stanzas in and it's beautiful as it sits, but it's only the very beginning of the story. I think the reason it's so short right now, the reason I have been so slow with writing it, is that I love it. I'm in love with the concept, I'm in love with the story, it's like my favorite child, I look at it as my best piece to date and I honestly don't know that I could write something better. Therein lies my dilemma, I know that I'm not a great writer, I know that my skills are not developed, and I know what would happen if I tried to write it now. It simply wouldn't live up to all that it could be. So do I wait on it, do I let it get stale? I am, in this moment, the embodiment of white trash; I feel like I need to capture that feeling, bottle it like dandelion wine*, put it on paper so I don't ever forget it. This moment is crucial.

fool sitting here typing

darkness at the edge of dawn

I was feeling really out of sorts yesterday. I hadn't been getting enough sleep (it's 3:52 am right now), my pols classes had been really boring, my philosophy class that I had waited on campus for hours for was cancelled, I was having trouble finishing "Don't Waste Your Life" (it's finished now), and the time spent waiting for my philosophy class was spent watching a really stupid movie (Saved). So I sat down and poured out my frustration onto the page. It's pretty dark and strange, so be forewarned.

Drowning Out the Demons

vampire, you are drowning out the demons
stay your hand
stop your unadulterated sidewalk signage
they are whores
but you are breaking up their broken homes
vampire, you refuse to look in a mirror
so look at me
so tell me you have white hands
vampire, you are burning witches every day
so burn me
just tell me that you feel the fire
vampire, it's just you now
the last suspect has just been stoned
se tell me that it's me
so roll out your guillotine
or just a kiss of death
one on either cheek


fool sitting here typing