perfectly still

listening to Bright Eyes - A Perfect Sonnet

Summerland is a town in stasis. Nothing happens really. On the weekend we had Action Fest and everybody got out of their houses and watched the parade and went to the beer garden and danced through the night at the Summerland dance. And in the morning everyone awoke and went to work and the lady serving coffee missed our order because she had been at the dance, but on the tommorow of yesterday, nothing's changed. Everything has returned to normal like a rubber band or a boomerang.

listening to Bob Dylan - Tangled up in Blue

Sometimes it gets to me, I like to do things. I like to do things that stay, things that make a concrete change in the world I live in. In mmorpg's, programmers try to give gamers the illusion of the power to change things, you're slotted into instanced events where you can defeat a boss or a battalion of enemies, but the fact of the matter is that game companies simply can't afford to let gamers make concrete changes in a game world with other players. Things happen, like the parade, but when all is said and done it won't affect anybody else. Life shouldn't be like a game. We can change concrete things in our world.

listening to The Pixies - Where is my Mind

Sometimes it feels like we`re set in stone, we do the same things every week, we say the same things when the same things happen, and we do the same thing every time when we get tired of it... we go on a bloody vacation. I don`t want to go on a vacation. Before I went to the Timothy encounter I was apprehensive because with all these conferences and events we get all fired up and ready to go when we leave, but when we get home nothing has changed. We`re the same person as when we went, we haven`t changed, we just wasted our time and our money and we go back for another helping next year and to a dozen different conferences in between. It`s a bit like taking drugs, we take our supplements to keep our bodies healthy, but when we don`t get stronger we just take more and our body learns to depend on them until we can`t stand up on our own. And we will... We will continue to take our drugs, we will continue going to our conferences, we will continue playing our games, until we`re just shells, or until we come to a realization that we need to get off our pills.

listening to Marcy Playground - Sex and Candy

When we came back from Timothy something was different. Mark had been blown away by the Holy Spirit and when he came back it carried into his life and it was powerful, Aaron and Sam were also given direction and the teaching from Timothy and the refilling of the Holy Spirit had a huge impact on their lives when they came back. I was also blown away, and when I came back there were things that changed, big things, but there are things that stayed the same. It reminds me of being in New York and walking to the middle of Times Square and turning around and feeling like the world was rushing all around me and I was perfectly still, a blur of motion all around me. I feel like I`ve stopped moving in one direction, but I`ve stopped moving and I need to start moving again, I need to start moving in the right direction. Oftentimes we can be doing nothing wrong and be doing nothing. I want to do something. I want to change something, burn something, build something.

fool sitting here typing